The Paradox of Parental Controls
The latest technology lets parents keep tabs on their kids 24/7, but experts contend that kids could use a little space.
The paradox of parenting is that while one of mom and dad’s primary duties is to protect their offspring, they must also prepare them to become independent. Parenting becomes an uneasy balance between keeping a close eye on kids yet giving them enough room to experience the consequences of their actions and therefore grow. But it’s never easy for parents to determine where their authority should end and a kid’s autonomy should begin, and the older kids get, the more they test these boundaries.
A longer leash
The issue is even more complicated with technology that provides parents with a much longer leash than ever before. Wireless communication, the Web and global positioning satellite (GPS) systems make it possible for parents to track their kids’ every movement and monitor how much time they spend in front of a screen, how they spend their lunch money at school, whom they talk to on their mobile phones and even how fast they drive.
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Sobering statistics give parents good reason use technology to protect their kids. The U.S. Department of Justice calculates that more than 2,000 children are reported missing each day, and teenage drivers have the highest crash risk of any age group, according to the Insurance Institute of Highway Safety.
But it leaves some experts wondering when electronic monitoring by parents crosses the line of too much meddling in kids’ lives. Kids require space to make decisions—and deal with the consequences, good or bad, says Dr. Steve Schlozman, an assistant professor of psychiatry at Harvard University and a staff psychiatrist at Massachusetts General Hospital. “What kids need is room to develop and make mistakes,” Schlozman says. “If kids are constantly monitored, you have the absence of making a decision. He or she will either think, ‘I can’t go to this party because my dad will kill me,’ or ‘I can’t go to this party because he’ll know.’ One creates a sense of autonomy and the other a desire to get away with things.”
Some experts think that too much tech threatens to undermine the mutual trust that’s the basis of a solid parent-child relationship. “It creates mistrust between parents and their children,” comments Dr. Frank Furedi, a professor of sociology at the University of Kent at Canterbury in England and author of the book “Paranoid Parenting.” “And parents who rely on technology become even more obsessed with keeping an eye on their kids,” he adds.
Phone homing
It’s typical for parents to equip their kids with mobile phones to keep in touch with them. In recent years, wireless providers have begun offering high-tech tactics for parents to keep tabs on their kids. Verizon’s Chaperone service allows parents to set a “Child Zone” in which their kids can roam, and if they cross its boundaries parents are sent a text message. Like Verizon Chaperone, Sprint’s Family Locator service lets parents monitor their child’s movements on the Web using a PC or Web-enabled phone, and a Safety Check feature alerts the folks—via e-mail, a phone call or both¬—to a kid’s location at specific times throughout the day. AT&T Wireless doesn’t offer such location-based services, though the company recently announced a program that lets parents restrict calling times, dialing and receiving calls at certain times of the day and downloading Web content.
Brian Soth, a district manager for Verizon Wireless who lives in Spokane, Washington, says his wife has used the company’s Chaperone service for the past two years to stay in touch with his sons, ages 9 and 11. “When you first get the service, it’s initially out of paranoia,” Soth says. “You’re afraid of what can happen to your kids when they are out of your sight. But contrary to what you would think, in my experience it gives them a greater freedom.” He’s found that his wife puts less restriction on the kids. “The service has made my wife less concerned about checking in constantly and she’s much more at ease,” Soth adds. “The burden isn’t on the kids, and my kids are allowed to do more. The greatest impact is to chill out mom.”
